Written and performed by Shani Muuse, Lily Newton, Maryam Ali, and Ibrahim Hassan

​

[Grandma Beth hobbles into the room with a walking stick. Once she’s sat down her grandchildren run into the room excitedly one after the other.]

​

Grandchild 1: Hi Grandma!

​

Grandchild 2: Hi Grandma!

​

Grandchild 3: Whatsup Grandma!

​

[Grandma Beth starts handing round sweets]

​

Grandchild 2: Can I have one!

​

Grandchild 3: Me too!

​

Grandchild 1: Can we hear a story!

​

Grandchild 2: I want to hear the story about the war!

​

Grandma Beth: About the war that I was the human leader in?

​

Grandchild 2: Yeah!

​

Grandma Beth: Okay, so when I was –

​

Grandchild 3: Wait wait wait wait! Can we teleport there?

​

Grandma Beth: Hmm [thinks] Okay, but if we teleport, I will be my younger self and you will be your past lives. You won’t remember this life whilst you’re there but when we come back you’ll remember everything that just happened. I do think it would be a good lesson for you.

​

So, are you ready to teleport back to the world where it was a utopia?

​

Grandchildren: Yes!

​

[All four of them stand up in a line and spin round going ‘woooo-woooo’ and spin off stage.]

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Grandma Beth, now the human leader, walks onto stage. She is quickly followed by a reporter who grabs her attention whilst holding a microphone in her hand.]

​

Reporter: Excuse me, excuse me! Can I have some of your time please?

​

Human leader: Sure…

​

Reporter: [turns to audience] Hello! And welcome to the pointless news where we waste your time! Here we have the human leader. How are you today? [she turns towards the human leader and thrusts the microphone in her direction.]

​

Human leader: Very good thank you.

​

Reporter: Great, so what is the world like today? [continues to move the microphone between them as they talk]

​

Human leader: It’s very good. There’s no pollution, no climate change, and there’s no wars!

​

Reporter: Wow that’s so cool. Did you make all of this by yourself?

​

Human leader: No I didn’t – I had a team with me.

​

Reporter: Wow, well thank you all for joining us today.

​

[Two colleagues – one her second in command - run in on the conversation.]

​

Colleague 1: Wait wait wait wait! Look! Robots from Mars!

​

Reporter: [drops microphone] Ahhhh!!!

​

Human leader: Everybody stay calm and get into the space ship.

​

[All four of them get into a spaceship [two chairs in front, the others standing behind. The human leader grabs the wheel, and all four of them sway one way and then the other as they take off.]

​

Human leader: We need to lead them back to Mars.

​

[Group sway one way and the ones in the back go ‘wooooaaahhh!’]

​

2nd in Command: [Sat in the front with the human leader] I know but how do we do that?

​

[Group sway the other way and the ones in the back go ‘wooooaaahhh!’]

​

Human leader: They’re following us.

​

Colleague 1: [in the back of the spaceship] I think I’m gonna get space sick [throws up out the side]

​

Human leader: These robots are crazy

​

2nd in Command: Yeah it must be that Neila virus, I’ve heard that’s what’s making the robots go bad.

​

Human leader: Do you think we should go to Mars and talk to the robot leader?

​

2nd in Command: Yes!

​

Human leader: Well we’re here!

​

[All get out the spaceship and exit stage]

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

[The human leader and her Second in command walk on stage]

​

Second in Command: Is this where we’re supposed to be meeting the robots?

​

Human leader: Yeah, but I think they’re a bit late.

​

Second in Command: Typical, robots are always late.

​

[Two robots – the Robot Leader and the cyborg - march mechanically into the room whilst the human leader and her Second in command continue their private conversation]

​

Human leader: Ah there they are… do you see the button on the back of the robot? Maybe that’s the off button.

​

Second in Command: Yeah but how do we get to it?

​

Human leader: I don’t know…

​

[Switch to robots also having a private conversation in robotic voices]

​

Robot leader: These humans are very selfish. They have a good utopia on earth. Mars has nothing.

​

Cyborg: I chose the robot side, which is why I made myself a cyborg. We shall murder all humanity.

​

Robot leader: That is very good.

​

[Both robots march into the meeting robotically. The robot leader and the human leader sit down together, whilst each of their companions stands behind them, on guard.]

​

Human leader: I need to talk to you.

​

Robot leader: What?

​

Human leader: Why are you invading the earth?

​

Robot leader: Well you have a good utopia on earth. We have nothing. I will give you a choice. I will spare humanity if you let me rule earth. If not I will kill everything.

​

Human leader: Can’t you just make a utopia here?

​

Robot leader: No, I want earth.

​

Human leader: I could give you a quarter of the earth.

​

Robot leader: No. I want all of it. Now.

​

Human leader: I don’t get what’s so special about the earth.

​

Robot leader: Give me earth now!

​

[Robot leader punches he human leader in the face. The human leader leap round to avoid it.]

​

Second in Command: Press the off button!

​

[The human leader manages to press the button on the Robot leaders’ back.]

​

Robot leader: I am dead now [slowly and robotically collapses to the floor]

​

[The cyborg marches over to the Second in Command and looks at her back for a button. HE gets confused when he cannot find it.]

​

Cyborg: Where is her off button? Can’t compute. Must surrender.

​

[Cyborg marches over to the Human leader and kneels down in mercy]

​

Cyborg: Spare my life, please!

​

[Everyone freezes before spinning off stage ‘wooo-ooooh’]

​

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Grandma Beth sat on stage as the grandchildren run in excitedly]

​

Grandchild 1: Granma that was great! I can’t believe you saved the earth!

​

Grandchild 2: That was so cool!

​

Grandchild 3: That was amazing!

​

Grandma Beth: Who were you?

​

Grandchild 1: I was the robot leader!

​

Grandma Beth: And you? [Looking towards Grandchild 3]

​

Grandchild 3: I was a surrendering coward!

​

Grandma Beth: And you? [Looking towards Grandchild 2]

​

Grandchild 2: I was second in command.

​

Grandma Beth: Did you find it fun?

​

All grandchildren: yeah!

​

Grandchild 1: But I don’t want to do it again. It was very scary

​

Grandchild 2: I almost died like 6 times

​

Grandchild 1: But I can’t believe you saved the earth, I can’t imagine if we stayed there in Mars, in that terrible dystopia.

 

Grandma Beth: Anyway, I think it’s time for bed [ruffles all the children’s hair].

 

Grandchild 3: Yeah I’m tired, it’s like on hundred o’clock.

​

All grandchildren: Goodnight Grandma! [walk off stage]

​

Grandma Beth: [to the audience] oh those lovely children [hobbles off stage with her stick].