Written and performed by Kamillah Ahmed, Khodor El-Rahab, and anonymous

​

[Billie, Alex, and Ellie walk on stage in a line. Each one of them is in their bedrooms. Billie is sitting playing computer games, Alex is doing some stretches and exercises, Ellie is lying down playing on her phone.]

​

Billie: What is this? I’m getting a telepathic phonecall. [He puts his fingers to the side of his head.]

​

Hello there Timmy! Yeah, I’m doing good – just playing on my Playstation 64… oh yeah, yeah, the maths homework. Erm yeah, about the maths homework… I bunked that lesson ‘cause I hate that teacher so, er yeah… yeah I can come to your birthday later – see you in a bit.

 

[Billie goes back to playing his game]

​

Alex: [Puts her fingers to her head] Hi Timmy, yeah I can come to your birthday, I’ll be there in a bit.

But we er have that competition tomorrow too don’t we? ... Yeah, okay, bye.

 

[Alex goes back to stretching.]

​

Ellie: [Puts her fingers to her head] Hey? Ah Timmy, happy birthday! Did you have a good day so far?

… Ah good good. What did you get? … Ah nice you’re gonna have fun then! … Oh yeah, what time should I come? Oh right I’ll be there in a minute!

​

[Ellie, Alex, and Billie start getting ready to go out.]

​

Billie: Bobby? Bobby?! [Calls out to the rest of the house] Right er I’m stealing your teleporter. You had it yesterday so… screw you! Wait a minute… was it 56 Trafalgar Road or 57? I can’t remember.. ahhh [dials in a number in a keypad.]

​

[Whilst Billie is talking Ellie and Alex have also been preparing their own teleporting machines. Billie, Alex, and Ellie all three still in a line shake, stir, and finally jump and land together, arrived in their destination]

​

Billie: Happy birthday Tim- wait a minute? [He looks around, confused] What is this place? This isn’t Timmy’s house. [He looks around some more until he sees Alex and Ellie] Huh? Who are you two?

​

Alex: I’m Alex

​

Ellie: Who are you?!

​

Billie: I’m Billie, I’m Timmy’s best friend. I was just going to his birthday ‘cause er well it’s his birthday. Today so I was going to his house.

​

Ellie and Alex: Same

​

Alex: Where are we?

​

Billie: Hmm let’s think er it’s just a big bright room, I don’t know where this is. Knowing him, this is probably one of his pranks.

Ellie: Timmy?!

​

[All three of them wander round calling out Timmy’s name]

​

Billie: We know it’s a prank, you can come out now!  Hmm I don’t think he’s coming… it’s probably just one of his escape rooms. We just have to find a key, and a door, and we can get out of here

​

Alex: But there’s nothing here…

​

Ellie: And his room is not this big…

​

Billie: Hmm you’re right…

​

Alex: Oh look, what’s that!

​

[All three of them gather round a spot on the floor]

​

Ellie: It’s a button

​

Billie: Well it’s the only thing in here, so do you want to press it?

​

Ellie: I’m not pressing it!

​

Alex: Argh, I wanna get out of here [she then goes to press the button]

            Ow! [Alex suddenly pulls away and stands up]

​

Ellie: Are you alright?!

​

Billie: What happened?

​

Alex: argh it hurts, it hurts!

​

Billie: I told you we should have found the key – and the door!

​

Ellie: [Looks at Billie sternly] There’s no key. There’s no door.

​

[Alex suddenly shakes, stirs, and jumps as the other two are bickering]

​

Ellie: Er… Alex?

​

Alex: [In a robotic voice from here until they get out of the void] I am not Alex. I am the Void Master.

​

Billie: [Turns to the audience and puts his arms out] She’s possessed!

​

Ellie: Really!?

​

Alex: To get out of here, you need to follow me. [Alex starts walking off stage down the aisle of the audience]

 

Ellie: [Directed at Billie] Are we going?!

​

Billie: I mean, it’s the only thing we can do…

​

[Ellie and Billie follow Alex/the Void Master down to the end of the audience and back round to the stage.]

​

Ellie: Where are we going?! This is crazy

​

Billie: It’s all just a vast emptiness, what is this place – what’s here!

​

[Now walk back onto stage, suddenly stopping at a cliff edge]

​

Ellie: Exactl- Oh my god, what is that!

​

Billie: It’s a cliff! It goes down like a hundred-million feet. Erm, what are you asking us to do?

​

Alex: You guys need to jump

​

Ellie: Seriously?

​

Billie: Erm, it’s not like I don’t believe you or anything… but er… he’s my best friend and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t live at the bottom of a cliff... we’re going to die if we jump down there.

​

Alex: There’s no gravity in the void.

​

Ellie: I am NOT jumping off a cliff. Why would Timmy be at the bottom of a cliff.

​

Alex: He’s down there guys, trust me. Come on, we need to go. [Alex comes in between the two, takes their hands and makes them all jump.]

​

Billie and Ellie: Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

​

[Billie and Ellie hands in the air, Alex still robotic until they all hit the floor with a thump. They wait a second, then slowly get up and look around.]

​

Billie: Wha – Timmy’s house!

​

Ellie: We’re not dead!

​

Alex: [Looking round even more confused than the other two] Where are we? What happened?

​

Billie: [Turns to look at Alex]. Oh erm… it’s a long story.

            [Looks at his watch] And err… we’re like six hours late. Shall we go and wake him up?

​

Alex and Ellie: Yes!

​

[All three of them creep behind the curtains, then shout from off stage.]

​

Alex, Ellie, and Billie: [simultaneously] HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIMMY!